And then enough, enough work, enough mental bulimia, I take a break.
I see the snow and the open landscape
I see myself looking around the mountains, absorbing the fresh air
the open space, the immensity of the sky,
am sitting at the center of the universe
I see everything spinning and stay centered
I become tree
I become old, an old oak tree who has seen everything, witnessed many lives I root deeper into the earth
I root so deeply
I am strong
I am present
I am deep into the earth
deeper into the earth
I walk in silence, make space
I am not seeking or learning anything
no book, no articles, no social medias
I am walking and communing with the world soul
I see, I know and I allow for Truth, for Clarity for Vision
I walk deeper longer
In the silence I hear everything
the beat of the universe
I spend time alone
I see Sprits, guides, they rush into me,
they speak to me,
they ask that I listen
that I make space and trust some more
they ask that I lean into their presence, their support
Can I dare to drop all that I think I need to do
can I drop
I am safe
I am safe on the other side
Sprit is calling
Can I dare to hear
Can I dare to let it go
all, all of it
I see myself in the unseen world
I see Sprits, all knowing rushing into the core, into the centre
why did you ever want lessons and courses to give you access to the knowing that is right there is that silence,
Nature is the visible face of spirit
Nature is the visible space of Spirit
I am an Idealist
I take full responsibility for it.
I dont want it to be any other way.
I am an idealist,
that is what others will call you if you chase your dreams.
that is what others will want you to be when they won’t dare to imagine that there is a life beyond all the fears and worries that seem to come with your circumstances, your personality, your body type, your relationships, your family commitments, your country’s politics, your cultural expectations, your financial statement and other perceived limitations.
I am an idealist.
I am at odds with the current structures that the modern world is built upon.
I don’t need to reject anything, I don’t need to polarise and project anger and grief on some evil out there.
I certainly don’t feel like I fit in but I know totally that I belong.
And I don’t want it any other way.
I am an idealist.
How did the world ever change and evolve, if it were not for those who dared to dream, imagine and envision something different?
I am an idealist.
I will continue to chase my dreams of a world that thrives on love and trust. I will continue to want to educate my children with what feels true to my heart, I will continue to want to create the depth of intimacy that defies all cultural norms of intimate relating, I will continue to be moved by the Goddess in every possible way.
I will continue to get up and try again and again to experiment with my life, to be muddy and messy, make mistakes and cry profusely when I feel am getting nowhere and getting it all wrong.
But I am an idealist, and I don’t want it to be any other way because there would be nothing worse to me than to stay wondering what if…?… and not jumping beyond the question mark to find out the answer…
It is all unfolding perfectly
Sometimes through struggles that stretches beyond what we thought we could endure
Sometimes through incredible flow and alignment
In the eye of the Divine, it is all Love
It is a gift for your soul
You are not doing it this on your own
In the eye of the Divine, it is the path to greater Freedom
It is a gift for you soul
Shifting from a fear based reality to one anchored deep in love and trust, is one of the promises of the Divine Feminine energy awakening within all of us.
Sometimes, we do this through a radical bold step where we just ‘’ feel the fear and do it anyway’’ but most often than not it is a messy unpredictable chaotic process that breaks us open, freeing us from all that which is holding us from feeling more of alive, free to express our soul in its full glory.
This is not to say that we need to lose ourselves in unnecessary suffering but rather learn to flourish in the muddy waters of our life experience. It is a committed choice to say yes to receiving life in all its various flavours and shades.
We need the contrast that comes from all the colour of the emotional rainbow to know and discover the heart deepest desires and what matters most.
If that comes with wave of difficult emotions, tears, anger, exhaustion, longing, allowing ourselves to embrace, welcome, love all of it is the doorway to receive the most mysterious gifts and blessings that the divine is dying to unleash in our heart and life.
YES, say YES to all of it.
Soften, soften even more and even more
if you dont soften, if you want to battle against it, then love that too
until surrender washes of over you.
blessed it be.
Mercury, the ruling planet of communication and transport, has gone retrograde in the sky until the 17th of March. Traditionally this is a time when it is more beneficial to go within and meditate than to take action in the outer world.
For the last few weeks, i have been inclined to slow down and take time to integrate what has happened in my life during the last few months – and a lot has happened. If anything, I had to take a plunge and start teaching Meditation Made Simple (MMS). Action changes the wheel of Karma and sharing the wisdom with my first groups of students certainly did make me take a giant leap forward.
My place of choice to take time out and reflect, is a village called Combloux in the Alps, where I can retreat with my husband and two children, away from hectic urban living. There I practice mindfulness, the art of being fully present, with more dedication. I chose to make every step of the day a meditation practice. I literally chose to smell the roses and often use the technique from MMS called ‘ Connect to your Senses’. There is so much to take in – from the smells of the bakery to the sight of the Mont Blanc, the sound of snowflakes or the laughter of children. I pay attention because it is so easy to be eager to go on holiday but once there to spend time worrying again about the future and missing what we were so much looking forward to. But life is now, in this moment, because that is all we have.
Whilst in Combloux, I had a beautiful opportunity to deepen my appreciation of life as I got to spend time with Luc, my son’s ski teacher for the last three years. I always used to get in touch with him before coming to Combloux to ensure I would get a few lessons booked in but in the last 10 months I had not heard back from him. It was only at Christmas that I discovered the news of his shocking ski accident in March last year. Luc, as I had knew him, was a 35 year old, tall, athletic adorable guy with long, really long dreadlocks. He was the kindest spirit, full of life, a lover of nature and a gifted children’s teacher. Now everywhere I mentioned his name, I saw people’s face filled with pity and shock. ‘ Ah yes it is terrible what happened to Luc..’ ‘Life is so unfair; such bad luck now his life is ruined’.
And yes it is true to say that Luc had a terrible ski accident causing spinal cord injury, a coma and paralysis of his legs. But as I saw people’s own fears when talking about Luc, meditation literally brought light to what looked like the worse. Who are we to judge what happens in life, how do we know what is bad luck or good luck? There is a lovely story of an old man with his son and his horse in MMS that reminds us not judge life too quickly. The universe has its unique intelligence and the biggest challenges are often the key to our greatest transformation, the push we need to get to know ourselves better and understand what life is all about.
So I went to see Luc with that in mind, a mind open to see life as it is, with acceptance rather than the projection of my own fears of death, paralysis and pain. Rather than sitting by his side feeling awkward or dreading what to say to someone who has gone through so much, I sat with an open heart and a strong belief that somehow this was his path to ‘walk’ or maybe his path not to walk anymore.
This time I did not meet up with Luc at the bottom of slopes but rather in his little chalet a few meters away from the slopes. As he opened the door, I saw the tall man with the dreadlocks had disappeared and there was a weak, shivering Luc in a wheelchair, with short hair and broken teeth. I felt the strong emotion of sadness rise up. I remembered not to fight it but simply to let it be and let it pass. I walked into the tiny space and was ever so grateful for having learnt to meditate. There were long moments of silence when Luc told me about his pain, the physical and all the other ones; moments when I just listened and looked deep into his eyes. Words do not do justice to this experience, but there was a true sense of connection. I suddenly saw beyond his injured body and if the eyes are the window of the soul, I did have a sense that this was a soul to soul connection.
I was humbled by the time I spent with Luc this weekend. I had a deep insight about having an open heart and accepting all that is. I realized we can have the deepest most beautiful experience of love and connection whatever our outside circumstances. It takes learning to see beyond our conditioned thoughts and the ability to connect to the present moment to experience the joy and the peace we are always chasing. I am not the one in the wheelchair but I know for sure that Luc and I would not have a chance to truly ‘connect’ and see beyond the masks by chatting at the bottom of the slopes. Who is to say that his life will not be happier, deeper and richer than most of us who have our two legs and yet suffer from constant discontent? Who is to say what transformation this traumatic accident will bring for him? How can we tell what treasures are hidden underneath the surface? Luc has reminded me to count my blessings a hundredfold and to trust the intelligence of universe. Tonight, on the full moon, my thoughts are with him, for a brave soul who has taken on an incredible challenge. He died three times after the accident – still he chose to come back..
One of my friends recently told me that I was the only person he knew who was both a rock and roll girl and a meditation teacher. We were in Singapore, at a fun rooftop bar, celebrating my newly earned certification as a SoulCentre Meditation Teacher. I can imagine that might come as shock for those who have in mind that meditation is only for people who can sit crossed-legged in the lotus position, breathing deeply with an empty mind, in a state of complete enlightenment. There might even be an underlying assumption that people who meditate don’t drink coffee, eat raw food and have left behind all the pleasures of life to dedicate themselves to becoming a pure human being or a buddhist monk. Nice fantasy, but quite far from the truth! So I have decided to tell you all about my love affair with meditation because the myths around what meditation is, and is not, may have stopped you from discovering one of the most precious gifts you can ever give yourself.
If you have ever been truly, deeply in love, you know that feeling when you feel so wonderful, so complete, so at one with the world. It does not matter anymore where you live or what your circumstances are. The world has taken on a new colour because you are both in love and loved. You smile at the angry car driver because you are just so happy, you don’t mind the rain because you are walking hands in hands with your lover, work is not ideal but you don’t mind that much because there is something greater than that in your life. Love gives a new perspective on everything. You get the picture! Well, this is exactly what happens with meditation: a change of perspective. The world around you does not change but the way you perceive the world is turned upside down or rather from the outside in to the inside out. Your outside circumstances are not what direct your life experiences anymore but rather the way you filter the world. This is living from the inside out: going from being in reaction to life and feeling powerless, to choosing to respond and gaining freedom.
You may think that you would rather be in love than learn meditation. Yet if romantic love gives us a glimpse of heaven on earth, we tend to fall out of that state of pure bliss. And there we are, searching to recapture it, thinking that if only we could get what is missing in our life – money, success, relationships, social recognition, a long holiday, health etc.. we would be happy and stress-free once again.
I know I have definitely been there, wishing for less stress and more happiness. But I have been blessed to find on my path the best lover of all, I have discovered meditation. I have discovered the key to pure joy, to creating success and happiness in my life whatever my outside circumstances. I have finally opened the door to feeling at peace with life. I have finally understood I did not need to be in love with someone else or get what I perceived as missing in my life to experience those feelings, I simply needed to master my mind.
‘Mediation is the science of freedom and power’ is what Vikas Malkani, my own meditation teacher says. Shattering the myth that mediation is only some kind of funky breathing technique, I have discovered that meditation is a state of awareness and a way to live life consciously. Understanding how the mind works, gives us power to see life more clearly and to free ourselves from our conditioned thoughts. This is why Swami Rama, Vikas’ own meditation teacher, tells us that ‘Mediation does what nothing else can do, it introduces you to yourself’. Socrates the famous Greek philosopher also used to say ‘Know Thyself’. And indeed true freedom and inner peace arises from knowing ourselves and our mind. As we discover our error of perceptions and limiting beliefs, we are able to change perspective and gain the insight that was needed to create happiness and success. This is literally ‘thinking out of the box’…the box being the mind and the ‘out the box’ being a new state of awareness.
Mediation is truly a way of life, a state of mind, before being a technique. This was for me the biggest insight I had when learning Meditation Made Simple with Vikas in Singapore. I had learned various meditation techniques such as mindfulness meditation or transcendental meditation but it is only with Meditation Made Simple that the pieces of the jigsaw fell into place. I realised that there are no practices that can stand alone without understanding how the mind works. The wisdom is an essential part of meditation and is the pillar under the tools. Various practices can be used as a mean to train the mind to this new state of awareness. They do not involve stopping the mind from having thoughts, another huge misconception. It is simply not possible to stop the mind from thinking but it is possible to become the observer of the mind and introduce a gap between our thoughts and our actions. The truth is that, we can all meditate, finding a way that works for us, and it can be simply done only in a few minutes a day, washing the dishes, in the tube, on the dance floor or in the forest…
Mediation has indeed changed my life. I have fallen deeply in love with life again and discovered the meaning of living in the now. I know in the depth of my heart that I create my own life and my own experience. I know I have a choice in the face of life ‘s challenges. I have indeed found the most amazing love affair : ‘for better, for worse’, meditation has opened my heart to true love and happiness.
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